Posts Tagged ‘ friends ’

Oprah Winfrey’s Double Standard on Domestic Violence

bebeoprah11 I am not an Oprah fan…..

I used to be one of those big Oprah fans and dedicated supporters who loved the show and everything else affiliated with Oprah Winfrey. I was proud to see a strong, black woman rise up from a troubled childhood and climb the ladder of success, but in recent years my support of Oprah has dwindled tremendously. I don’t watch her show and I wouldn’t even consider picking up an issue of  her magazine. But this blog post is not about the various reasons I no longer support the Big O. This blog post is about Oprah’s continued support of singer BeBe Winans even after he was accused of physically assaulting his ex-wife in February of this year. It is about Oprah speaking publicly about her disdain for Chris Brown after his altercation with Rihanna, but still remaining bubbly and friendly with BeBe Winans as if one abuser is better than the other. Abuse is abuse regardless of who the abuser is.

BeBe was arrested, as was Chris Brown. Both men were taken to jail for a physical act of violence against a woman. Oprah, in my opinion handled the Chris Brown situation from a judgmental point of view. She not only spoke her opinion on the situation, but she also did an entire segment on Domestic Violence; a subject that the Big O didn’t appear to give a damn about before the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident.  Yet, in the case of BeBe Winans, who is one of Oprah’s favorite singers and close friends, she seems to have a innocent until proven guilty view of the situation. Even after the arrest and a pending court appearance, BeBe Winans will be hosting Oprah’s Karaoke Challenge which will air November 5, 2009.

Of course Oprah can befriend whomever she likes. She can have anyone on her show that she chooses, but I seriously do not believe that Oprah would allow Chris Brown to host a podcast, nonetheless a portion of her show.  Her actions when handling both of these situations just seems hypocritical and biased. Whether it be a push, which is what BeBe Winans was accused of doing, or a full out attack as in the case of Chris Brown, domestic violence is wrong.

If you are going to speak out on domestic violence and take a stance against it, do so without being biased. Do so without approaching the situation as a victim supporter and an abuser trasher…unless the abuser is your close friend. Don’t  look at it with a different set of eyes and speak on it with a different voice just because he is a gospel singer and a close friend.  That, Oprah is hypocritical.

 With the celebrity status that Oprah Winfrey has, she of all people should know that there are three sides to every story. Neither Oprah nor the rest of the world was in the car with Chris Brown and Rihanna, neither were we witness to the incident that occurred between BeBe Winans and his ex-wife Debra Winans. With that being said, we are not aware of the full details of either incident.

Oprah is quoted as saying in relation to the Chris Brown & Rihanna incident:

Love doesn’t hurt. And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again

If that is your belief, apply that to every abuser Oprah, not just Chris Brown. Please don’t get me wrong, I feel that the show was very beneficial. It not only gave the issue of domestic violence a louder voice, but it spoke about and to a group of people who are becoming victims of domestic violence far too often, teenage girls.

I just feel that efforts to end domestic violence should; provide awareness of the issue, assistance to victims and help for the abusers. You can’t have one without the other, if the cycle of violence is to be broken.

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Manwhore

My ex doesnt know what a manwhore is…..

manwA few weeks ago we were sitting around talking, and as usual the talking turned into a  discussion aka an argument. And as usual we began arguing about the petty things that happened during our 5 year relationship and as usual he said something stupid that made me say thank God I’m no longer with you.

The stupid thing he said this time was in response to me saying that I never felt catered to in our relationship. Before he said the utterly stupid thing, he proclaimed that he did cater to me the best he knew how, and that when we first met he was young, so there was a lot he didn’t know at first. Then he said

Plus I was a manwhore when we first met, so the first few months shouldn’t even count

||blank stare||

My jaw dropped,  my eyes bucked and rolled hard enough to get stuck at the top of my eyelid. “You were a what?”

Of course he was stupid enough to repeat it.

I was a manwhore. I am going to be honest about it

I couldn’t believe that not only had I not known this, but he was stupid enough to admit that he had been a manwhore. OMG I had dated a manwhore.

That of course is when the big(ger) argument started. Now I had a reason to bring up every mistake he had made since I met him. Now I could call him every name I had said in anger over the years and have a valid reason for doing so. Now I could blame our break-up on something besides his immaturity and pettiness. Now I knew why things didn’t work. I had attempted to turn a manwhore into a husband. Had I known this tad bit of information going into the relationship there wouldn’t have been a relationship!

After saying quite a few rude things to him, some that were completely unrelated to this argument but were necessary due to his manwhore revelation, I decided that now I would play the little game I was so good at…well at least with him. It was called make up some shit and get him to tell you details he had no intention of giving. This game had worked on him numerous times over the years. I would pretend to know some information and go on and on and on until he gave up the real details.

So now I had to say something that made him  believe I knew more about his manwhoring, which would make him in return give me the information I wanted.

After bringing up a few past incidents that had left me suspicious and even calling his ex girlfriend a few ugly name (she had nothing to do with it, I just didn’t like her and wanted to call her ugly names) I still had no information from him. He just kept saying the same things I had heard over the five years we dated. “I never cheated on you.” “I was always faithful.” blah blah blah

Now I began to wonder why he would reveal that he was a manwhore if now he wanted to play saint. I decided that if I kept prying I might find something that I really didn’t need or want to know. Especially since we were no longer together. But before I let it go I had to make sure he knew how disgusted I felt that I had dated a manwhore for over five years and had been clueless to the fact that he even had the slightest of manwhore tendencies. I had to make sure he knew how nasty I thought he was and how I am thankful I never caught anything while messing around with his nasty manwhore tale!

About an hour after the argument and after I told him how utterly disgusted I was by his manwhore revelation. He came in and said that he felt like I was blowing the entire thing out of proportion. He said that true enough he had a lot of female friends back in the day, but for the mot part he was very selective on who he slept with.

I gave him an awkward stare and informed him that manwhores are not selective in who they bone (yes I said bone) that is why they are called manwhores DUMMY!

He stood there looking confused. Which I expected, because that is typical of a manwhore. Dazed, confused and nasty!

…fast forward a week

A week goes by and my ex calls and says that he needs to straighten something out. He said that he had a conversation with his sister about our falling out over him being a manwhore and he said she laughed so hard that tears came to her eyes. Again, he was confused. He didn’t know why we were making such a big deal out of a man who has more female friends than women and who is kind known as a ladies’ man.

I can’t say many good things about his sister, but I can say that she quickly corrected her manwhore..or not so manwhore brother. She gave him the real, low down dirty description of a manwhore…hence his phone call to me to straighten up the situation.  Thank God for clarity!

Tata’s Bad Habit

park_benchLast night me and my girl Tata (like Pa tata) were sitting around shooting the breeze and doing everything BUT getting ready for the work week.  Somehow we got on the subject of bad habits. Now Tata is one of my closest friends, I have known her almost nine years, so when the subject of bad habits came up I immediately thought of her ultimate bad habit which is smoking cigarettes.


When I first met Tata she didn’t smoke; and even though I don’t like the smell of cigarette smoke and I truly hate inhaling secondhand smoke, Tata is one of the very few people I will allow to smoke in my presence; the others being my grandmother and a few other relatives.

As the subject came up I was tempted to tease her about why she began smoking in the first place. His name was Bobby Ray.  Around my second year of knowing Tata she started dating this guy named Bobby who I thought was the cutest thing ever. He was tall and chocolate and had these pretty round eyes that just made you want to stare into them forever.  Tata seemed to really like him too; I mean every time she talked about the man she would have this huge smile on her face. It was so teenage and cute.

After she had been dating Bobby Ray for about five months I noticed that every time she would come to visit me she would always have some reason to go out to her car during the visit. At first I thought it was nothing, but then I also noticed that when she came back in she smelled of air freshener. After she did this on about four visits I decided to ask her what was the deal with the trips to the car and coming back smelling like fresh linens.

She stood there for a minute, then she let go of the secret, she was smoking cigarettes. I was shocked because I had never seen her smoke a cigarette the entire time I had known her and I had spent entire days with her on many occasions. I promptly demanded to know when this started and why in the hell she decided at this age in life to begin puffing cancer sticks. She told me that this new habit was all because of Bobby Ray. Once she said that I knew there was going to be a good story behind this one. I just hoped the story was funny instead of upsetting.

Tata went on to say that Bobby Ray wrecks her nerves so bad that she turned to cigarettes as a way to calm down and keep her sanity. What started out as an every now and then smoke had turned into a vicious habit. I stood there in awe, because if this man had turn a woman into a chain smoker in less than six months he had to be a bad mamma jamma! I needed to know what in the hell he was doing that was so nerve wrecking that it would cause her to form a habit that she was embarrassed of.

With a sad look on her face, Tata went on to tell me that Bobby Ray was the nicest man she had ever met in her life. He was such a gentleman. He cooked for her and he was a great father to his children. He worked every day and so far she had no complaints with him…except the fact that he stuttered somethin serious.

Before I could catch myself I burst into laughter. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. How could this sexy man, who knew exactly how to treat a woman, be a stutterer? And first and foremost how had I not noticed that he stuttered? Even though I had only met him twice, each time we met we conversed and he had not stuttered one bit. Tata’s explanation for that was that he had controlled it during our brief conversations.  He could do that sometimes. When I thought back to both times I had met Bobby Ray each time he had seemed kind of nervous and honestly Tata had seemed even more nervous. Now there was an explanation for him seeming uptight and Tata standing in the background looking as if she just swallowed a hairball. All this time I thought the man had been nervous to meet me because Tata had warned him of my witty personality. No, he had been so uptight because he was trying his darnest to control his stuttering problem and Tata was just as nervous because she didn’t want him to slip in a shhh or thhh.

Now back to Tata’s bad habit. I asked her how his stuttering would cause her to smoke. Now I could understand if he turned to smoking, but her…? I needed and explanation for this one. She said that sometimes having a conversation with Bobby Ray was so frustrating that she would immediately feel the need to smoke a few cigarettes. Not one cigarette, but a few. She said that he would begin a normal conversation and a few minutes in, it would turn into long strings of thtthhh hhhh aaa tttt is whhhaa ttt happp ennnn. She then told me to imagine holding a conversation with someone on a day to day basis and almost every time this was the result. It frustrated her to the point that she sometimes caught herself wanting to clinch his lips shut with her hands.  So instead of doing something so spiteful, she turned to cigarettes. They were her shelter in a time of storm; Bobby Ray’s stuttering storm that is.

I felt sorry for my friend. I could tell that other than his stuttering problem he was the perfect guy for her. I asked her had he thought about speech therapy and she said that he was too embarrassed to seek help. She had mentioned it to him once and in the end she felt as if she hurt the situation more than helped it. She had even offered to go with him but he stated that her going with him would be like her taking her son to pre-school for the first time and helping him pronounce his alphabet. He wanted no part of that.

Almost a year into their relationship, Tata was smoking a pack of cigarettes in two days. Her habit had become so mandatory that she was no longer embarrassed. She would fire up a cigarette at the drop of a hat. Bobby Ray was still stuttering away, but he was also still cooking dinners, still paying bills, still holding her hand, still kissing her softly and still being an overall nice guy. Tata didn’t know what to do. She felt that she was getting closer and closer to a man that she knew she could not marry unless he stopped stuttering. This burden caused her to smoke even more. The stress of having the perfect man in her life, except for one little bitty thing that wasn’t such a little bitty thing was stressing Tata out beyond belief.

But soon Tata would find out that Bobby Ray had a problem with her also. One day after dinner they were sitting at the park on a bench and Tata fired up a cigarette as they sat and watched the ducks in the pond. Bobby had taken the entire length of dinner to tell her about one of his coworkers being fired today at work. What should have taken ten minutes took an hour and a half. Tata’s nerves were frizzled by the time they ordered dessert. She could not wait to get out of the restaurant and fire up a cigarette.

As she sat there dangling her legs and puffing on her cigarette, she realized that Bobby was staring at her with a not so nice expression on his face. Before she could ask what was wrong he asked her if she remembered one of the first conversations they had which took place on their second date. He then refreshed her memory. They talked that night about falling in love, what they expected from each other and lastly pet peeves. Bobby reminded Tata that one of his biggest pet peeves was women that smoked cigarettes. He said that over the past couple of months she had turned into the exact kind of woman he despised. A woman who was stressed and instead of dealing with her problems she puffed cigarette after cigarette. He said if it hadn’t been for his love for her he would have called it quits a long time ago.

Before Tata knew it Bobby Ray had dumped her sitting there on the wooden bench in the park while a cool breeze rippled past. It took her a few minutes to gather her thoughts and realize that the man who she loved and also the man who caused her to smoke cigarettes was now dumping her because of her cigarette smoking. She was shocked.

It took my girl quite some time to get over Bobby Ray. She never even told the man why she started smoking in the first place. Had it been me he would have gotten an earful that day at the park. He wouldn’t have got the opportunity to finish his rehearsed dumping speech. Once I realized where the conversation was going I would have gave him a piece of my mind and being that he has a speech impediment he wouldn’t have had the time to finish what he wanted to say because I would have been gone. But poor Tata was on such a high from the relief of her cigarette that she never saw it coming.

Till this day every time someone talks about cigarettes it makes Tata fume inside. Had it not been for those damn cigarettes she would have known she had been dumped much earlier. After all, it took Bobby Ray almost an hour just to say it was over.

Sorry To Be The Bearer of Bad News

Sorry to be the Bearer of Bad News

…but not everyone is cut out to be an entertainer.

goodnbn2

 The bad news first: You suck. Yes, this news will probably leave you crushed and confused. You have always dreamed of making it big. You have been waiting years for your big chance. Sadly you would have been waiting forever on that big chance.

The good news: You can now stop making an ass of yourself. You now have been formally told that you don’t have what it takes. Now you know, and the saying goes “If you know better, do better.”

I know that news is devastating for some, but honestly it needed to be said.  Too many people are allowed to believe that they are great singers, dancers, comics etc. when they honestly aren’t. They may have a talent, but the one they choose to display is not it. Sadly, their friends and family members don’t want to kill their spirit and crush their dreams of superstardom, so they lead these people on, allowing them to think that they are the bomb like tic tic.

The truth hurts smiles_407

Take many of the contestants who were kicked to the curb on American Idol. The public show of (un)talent exhibited each season is hilarious. Then when they are told by the judges that they just aren’t up to par you see the (un)talented person storm from the audition room and outside the doors stand their support system; their friends and family members who were rooting them on. They stand there holding their breath, nervous as can be, waiting as if they believed the person would make it through. Bullshit! They sound horrible at home, so what, do these people believe that there is something special about the American Idol casting that will bring out some hidden potential in this person.

Here are few clips of American Idol Rejects that made me chuckle profusely.

(note the first chick..her mom says she has the whole package..a damn shame mom..a damn shame)

 

And who could forget Margaret. I was ——–DEAD——– when she said she was 26 years old

Of course we know that some of these people only try out for their moment in the spotlight, a chance to have their face shown around the world, but some of these people really think that they have talent, and I honestly I don’t blame them (well not that much) I think their peers deserve at least 75% of the blame for not telling them the truth. True some of them could care less about the truth, but dammit at least they would have been told by people who cared.

And let’s not forget about the people who Think They Can Dance. Many of them have also been allowed to believe for many, many years by friends and family that they are dancing machines..

||NOT||

Here is SEX (yes this guy actually calls himself SEX) from the show So You Think You Can Dance

***think being the keyword***

side note: this is completely irrelevant to his dancing, BUT was I not the only one who did not find one tiny thing sexy about this guy..nothing that even whispered sex? I dunno, maybe he has another reason for the nickname that I know he had to have given himself lol

*oh and just a tiny note on rappers- Not everyone should try to be one. I guess it may just be a fad, but 9 out of 10 guys you meet these days say they are a rapper. It has become so common now that I believe them. I know that sounds crazy, but I used to think to myself, now all of yall can’t seriously be rappers. But with it happening so often I believe each and everyone who tells me that they are a rapper. Truth or not, I’m sick of hearing it so I just believe them. And let’s not even begin with the middle age men who suddenly desire a rap career…quit it people Sheesh!

 

One more video for the road…

note he says he can do special moves lol..okaaay yeah those moves were quite special

Do You Attract Your Preference? I don't =(

mus_140cIt never fails…I’m driving along, I stop at the red light, I feel someone staring at me and as usual, it’s a guy in a car in the next lane. Not a guy that I would be interested in, if I were desperate enough to stop and exchange numbers with some stranger at the red light. No it’s a guy who looks as if he could be my grandpa or my great uncle.

It never fails. Men who marched in the Civil Rights movement seem to love them some BGT. I don’t know why, but they seem to be attracted to me and I wish they would stop it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have dated older guys before, actually older guys used to be my preference, but not guys who were kids when television used to actually go off at night. I do have limits! I have no problem with an older guy, but there is a difference between older and old…and it’s not just the ER at the end.

But it happens on the regular, an older guy says hello, I say hello back, all the while praying that he is happily married and is only being friendly. My wishes don’t come true (as usual) he tries to be a little too friendly, I give him the “ok, let’s not go there signal”, he decides he will push his luck and crack some kind of ridiculous joke, I give him the straight face and keep it movin’.

I have always thought of it like this. I have no interest in dating a man that I have to take to doctor appointments for his dementia and help into his wheelchair. Yes that is an exaggeration, when it comes to the old men who hit on me (even though one was in a wheelchair) but that is the thought that comes to mind when these old men approach me, because they seem so old to me. I also consider the fact that I have two young sons, what could they do with grand pop. Well, they could do things with him that they would do with their grand pop….

Even when a handsome old gent tries to rap to me, thoughts of arthritis, impotence and Alzheimer’s creep into my head. Not that I would  consider dating an oldie but goodie anyway, but those thoughts keep me from even entertaining their conversation.

I asked a friend why he thought I kept attracting old men and he gave me the most ridiculous, far-fetched, so stupid it must have come from a man answer imaginable. He said that I attract older men because of the “I’m the ish, Ms. independent, Hey look at me, No don’t look at me, Ooh don’t say shit to me” vibe I put off. He said that the older guys dig that, but the younger ones feel like I would be too much of a hassle. Plus (and he actually said this) all of the guys around my age that I would be attracted to are in jail.

After I fell out laughing, I told him that I see plenty of guys in my dating range that aren’t in jail, didn’t just get out of jail or aren’t headed to jail. Some of them are very attractive. But they are taken. They may not admit to being off the market, but they are. They are either happily attached or telling the happy lie that they aren’t. If they aren’t attached they are still ready to play grade school games, and that my friend I have no time for.

So now every time I pull up to a red light or go into a convenience store (those two places seem to be chocked with old men who feel flirty) I keep my eyes aimed straight ahead and when in the store I move swiftly and strategically. I don’t want to give anyone the idea that I may be interested.

….has this strategy worked for me so far? Nope. but I’d rather look uninterested than have the pretense that I am up for conversation or anything else the oldie but not so goodies have to offer.