Probably Not

57051-bigthumbnail“I will be married before I turn 30.”

…probably not

Sometimes when thoughts of marriage come to mind I get…what’s the word…depressed..yeah that would be it. With so many of my friends and family getting married I sometimes wonder why I haven’t jumped the broom yet. Hell after all, I am all that ..and some! So why is it that my prince charming hasn’t come along and swept me off my feet and allowed me to spread my pretty wings?

Well honestly I think it has something to do with that “and some” that I mentioned in the paragraph above. See I’m a different kind of woman. Yeah I know you guys will need me to explain that, so I will. When I say that I am a different kind of woman, I mean that I’m independent, but not bossy (even though I have been called that countless times) I have a very good sense of humor, but I do know when it is time to get serious. And I overall, I have a positive outlook on life. I also……

love to have things go my way, doesn’t always accept help, even when I need it, can and will cry at the drop of a hat, isn’t always forgiving, isn’t as organized as I should be, can cuss like a sailor who has been drinking Thunderbird

…well you kinda get the picture. The “and some” are just a few teensy weensy things I need to work on. Nevertheless, I am a work in progress and admittance is the first step towards progress.

I used to have it engraved in my mind that I would be married before age thirty, now I can shake my head and say “Probably not.”

This may sound quite ridiculous but sometimes I see married couples and I say to myself, “If SHE can get a husband I know for damn sure I should have been married at age 10.” There have been times when I have just wanted to ask a brotha, ummm how she get you because she is a hot mess. But of course I keep thoughts like that to myself.

I wonder if those kinds of thoughts have anything to do with Black Women Behaving Badly  as mentioned in the August 2009 issue of Essence Magazine. Or maybe it’s  just the women being spiteful and bitter syndrome. I think it may be, because when I heard about the split between “our” Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian I jumped up and yelled “We got one back!”

Nevertheless, I have come to the realization that most likely I won’t be married by thirty as I had planned and honestly I may not even find a good man by age thirty.  

Then there is the question, what is wrong with black men? Why are so many of them playing the field and choosing not to get married.

….I hope you weren’t waiting on me to give an answer because I am also wondering what the problem is.

So for now I will continue to daydream about love while listening to Maxwell’s Pretty  Wings and visualize a time when I will have my own Maxwell, Idris Elba or Reggie Bush (he is off my “humph no he didn’t” list now) or even Trey Songz. He is a little young, but he’ll do!

  1. I tend to lean toward the belief that there is somebody for everybody. There’s that person who sees your light (whom you don’t have to dim your light FOR) and is able to accept you as the whole picture. Ideals are illusions dressed as standards. The best thing ANY one can ask for is someone who SEES them, and still loves them. Who understands them and asks for nothing more than that they have the privilege to love them and take care of them…to let you into their life. I truly believe that people forget that when you’re in a relationship, you become responsible for each other and that you CHOOSE to commit. Every day is a struggle against the world’s lack of mercy on relationships. Instant gratification, conditional love, unrealistic expectations…are contributers to the death of spousal love. You can’t know a person in a day, 3 months or 10 years. Commit to getting to know someone for the rest of your life. See the bad and know the difference between a person’s character and their cover. Being able to say what you think or feel and know that you’re not going to be dismissed, ignored or ridiculed. These are some key things I’M looking for in a mate. For God sake’s…patience is a virtue in love. *woosah’in*

    It’s a journey…not a place. I’m learning that everyday. I also believe that there’s no set time for when a person finds that “one”. I think we delay the process when we cling to the ones that are meant to be stepping stones instead of the final plateau. *getting off soapbox* Sorry…I’m passionate. LOL

    • kaleidoscopelyfe
    • September 1st, 2009

    Thanks Urban Thought for the comment
    I truly agree on looking at a relationship from the outside. You never know what a couple has been through or for what reasons their relationship works. Sometimes one person may be more attractive but they may also come with a lot of baggage, drama etc.

  2. They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but not every fish is worth catching. More so, not every fish is worth keeping. None of this applies to you. But I will say that when you’re on the outside looking in, can you be really sure of the dynamic of the relationship that you are looking at? Sure, that woman can look like a hot mess. But she can also be holding the hand of a hot mess. Birds of a feather flock together. Also, she (or he) might have made concessions to be with the other person, just so they can say the have that other person.

    It will take time to find your match. I don’t know how much time that will be, however, I’m sure it will be worth the time spent.

    I think we are all a work in progress. And if we aren’t working to progress then are we really worth being with?

    I won’t say that I play the field. What I will say is that I have not settled down because I refuse to settle. Sure, someone is out there for me. But I haven’t come across that person just yet.

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