The New Marriage

“My wife and I have an understanding”

weddingringsThat is what I was told recently by a married man who has extramarital affairs. Now as I have said before, maybe it is just my old fashioned ways that keeps me in this little box of morals and helps me to maintain my fear of God, but when did it become okay to have any kind of understanding with your wife except the understanding that you both would be faithful?

Well that thought goes with the old marriage, the new marriage sometimes and for some people incorporates openness and that great word of “understanding”.

 I am single and I respect marriage, so why is it that so many married people don’t respect marriage?

This guy went on to say that he has a girlfriend who knows that he is married, and that he maintains both relationships pretty well because they have an “understanding”. They both love him and yes he could be with just his wife but he doesn’t want to. The guy has options I guess. Obviously in his marriage he has the option to see other people.

When did marriage become open? If you want to see other people and have relationships with other people why get married? When did marriage become a relationship where you could see who you want, have sex with who you want, enjoying both the single and married life, as long as there was this “understanding”?

Who came up with this brilliant as shit policy of “understanding”?

So many people are taking marriage as just something to do. Who cares about the vow that was made before God, who cares that they vowed to love and cherish each other till death do they part? Those important concepts of the wedding vow have been disrespected and tossed aside. Now people marry, separate and move on with their lives as if the fact that they are still married is just a minor technicality.

I was watching Divorce Court one day and I heard a man say something that since then I have heard adulterers say over and over “I am married but separated”. If you are married and you don’t get a divorce or become widowed, aren’t you still married?

If you are done with the marriage, maybe you should do something about resolving it i.e. a divorce before you decide to move on with your life as if that little marriage thing you did a while back will just disappear.

Marriage was once a sacred union, now people wear marriage like a loose garment. They don’t hold on to it. If there is a problem with it, just let it go, no need to hold on, it’s only marriage….


    • Wizzy Jr.
    • February 12th, 2009

    I’m of the mindset that everything don’t work for everybody. Do you. If you like it, I love it.

    But for me and MY house? Until we get divorced…LEGALLY (and not separated), You are NOT to be dating anybody else. Hell, I always say “FUCK ALL THIS SEPARATION STUFF!! Just get divorced already”. Hell, y’all ain’t livin’ together, so it’s like your divorced anyway.

  1. This is such a good post! I’m with you 100%

    It is nothing short of a shame that so many people look at marriage as just”something to do…” and NOT the serious and lifetime commitment it was intended to be.

    I watch my share of Divorce Court and Maury, and I always find myself stunned by MARRIED people that go out and accidentally get someone pregnant or end up pregnant. Half the time they say something stupid like, “We was broke for those two weeks…” TWO WEEKS, are you kidding ME?!?!? You’re still married!!!

    But the sheer disrespect of the institution of marriage aside, it is this behavior that keeps HIV and AIDS running rampant in our community. The dude you’re talking about is sleeping with his wife, sleeping with his girlfriend, sleeping with the other woman he didn’t tell you about and now he wants to hook up with you. That’s FIVE people – and statistically the risk of HIV or AIDS is extremely high in a loose sexual environment.

    That drives me nuts!

    Beautiful post, again.

    • browneyedlover
    • February 11th, 2009

    Some people are probably making hasty and unwise decisions, both before and after the altar rites. It’s sad because it undermines the sacredness of the union, but it only takes one partner to make a relationship unbearable to force another to seek solace in another. Great points you made. 🙂

  2. Open marriages are a waste of time and energy. If they wanted an open relationship they should have bypassed the altar. I think it’s selfish of all parties invloved with open marriages. The wife should not be willing to share her spouse with another woman, another woman should not want to a portion of a married man’s time and energy, and the husband should want to divide his attention and love up with someone other than his wife.

  1. February 12th, 2009

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